Chapter One
Chapter Two
Treats of the insecurity from which we
cannot escape in this life of exile, however lofty a state we may reach, and of how good
it is for us to walk in fear. This chapter contains several good points.
TO those who by the mercy of God have
overcome in these combats, and by dint of perseverance have entered the third Mansions,
what shall we say but "Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord"?[56] As I am so stupid in these matters, it has been no
small thing that His Majesty should have enabled me to understand the meaning of this
verse in the vernacular. We shall certainly be right in calling such a man blessed, for,
unless he turns back, he is, so far as we can tell, on the straight road to salvation.
Here, sisters, you will see the importance of having overcome in your past battles; for I
am convinced that the Lord never fails to give a person who does this security of
conscience, which is no small blessing. I say "security", but that is the wrong
word, for there is no security in this life, so, whenever I use it, you must understand
the words "unless he strays from the path on which he has set out".
2 It is really a perfect misery to be alive
when we have always to be going about like men with enemies at their gates, who cannot lay
aside their arms even when sleeping or eating, and are always afraid of being surprised by
a breaching of their fortress in some weak spot. Oh, my Lord and my God! How canst Thou
wish us to desire such a miserable life as that? It would be impossible to refrain from
wishing and begging Thee to take us from it, were it not for our hope that we may lose it
for Thy sake, or spend it wholly in Thy service -- and, above all, for the realization
that it is Thy will for us. If that is indeed so, my God, let us die with Thee, as Saint
Thomas said,[57] for life without Thee is nothing but
death many times over and constant dread at the possibility of losing Thee for ever. So I
think, daughters, that the happiness we should pray for is to enjoy the complete security
of the blessed;[58] for what pleasure can anyone have
when beset by these fears if his only pleasure consists in pleasing God? Remember that all
this, and much more, could be said of some of the saints, and yet they fell[59] into grave sins, and we cannot be certain that God
will give us His hand and help us to renounce them[60] and do penance for them. (This refers to particular help.)[61]
3 Truly, my daughters, I am so fearful as I
write this that, when it comes to my mind, as is very often the case, I hardly know how to
get the words down, or how to go on living. Beseech His Majesty, my daughters, always to
live within me, for otherwise what security can there be in a life as misspent as mine?
And do not let it depress you to realize that I am like that -- I have sometimes seen you
depressed when I have told you so. The reason it affects you in that way is that you would
like to think I had been very holy. That is quite right of you: I should like to think so
myself. But what can I do about it when I have lost so much through my own fault? I shall
not complain that God ceased giving me all the help I needed if your wishes were to be
fulfilled: I cannot say this without tears and great confusion when I realize that I am
writing for those who are themselves capable of teaching me. Rigorous has been the task
that obedience has laid upon me![62] May it please the
Lord that, as it is being done for His sake, you may gain some profit from it and may ask
Him to pardon this wretched and foolhardy woman. But His Majesty well knows that I can
count only upon His Mercy, and, as I cannot help having been what I have, there is nothing
for me to do but approach God and trust in the merits of His Son, and of the Virgin, His
Mother, whose habit both you and I unworthily wear. Praise Him, my daughters, for you are
really the daughters of Our Lady, and when you have as good a Mother as that there is no
reason for you to be scandalized at my unworthiness. Imitate Our Lady and consider how
great she must be and what a good thing it is that we have her for our Patroness; even my
sins and my being what I am have not been sufficient to bring any kind of tarnish upon
this sacred Order.
4 But of one thing I must warn you: although
you are in this Order, and have such a Mother, do not be too sure of yourselves; for David
was a very holy man, yet you know what Solomon[63] became. Nor must you set store by the fact that you are cloistered and lead lives of
penitence. Nor must you become confident because you are always talking about God,
continually engaging in prayer, withdrawing yourselves completely from the things of this
world and (to the best of your belief) abhorring them. All that is good, but, as I have
said, it is not enough to justify us in laying aside our fears. So you must repeat this
verse and often bear it in mind: Beatus vir, qui timet Dominum.64
5 And now I forget what I was saying -- I have
been indulging in a long digression. Whenever I think of myself I feel like a bird with a
broken wing and I can say nothing of any value. So I will leave all this for now and
return to what I had begun to explain concerning the souls that have entered the third
Mansions. In enabling these souls to overcome their initial difficulties, the Lord has
granted them no small favour, but a very great one. I believe that, through His goodness,
there are many such souls in the world: they are most desirous not to offend His Majesty;
they avoid committing even venial sins;[65] they love
doing penance, they spend hours in recollection; they use their time well; they practise
works of charity toward their neighbours; and they are very careful in their speech and
dress and in the government of their household if they have one. This is certainly a
desirable state and there seems no reason why they should be denied entrance to the very
last of the Mansions; nor will the Lord deny them this if they desire it, for their
disposition is such that He will grant them any favour.
6 Oh, Jesus! How could anyone ever say that he
has no desire for such a wonderful thing, especially when he has got over the most
troublesome stages leading to it? Surely no one could do so. We all say we desire it; but
if the Lord is to take complete possession of the soul more than that is necessary. Words
are not enough, any more than they were for the young man when the Lord told him what to
do if he wished to be perfect.[66] Ever since I began to
speak of these Mansions I have had that young man in mind, for we are exactly like him;
and this as a rule is the origin of our long periods of aridity in prayer, although these
have other sources as well. I am saying nothing here of interior trials, which vex many
good souls to an intolerable degree, and through no fault of their own, but from which the
Lord always rescues them, to their great profit, as He does also those who suffer from
melancholy and other infirmities. In all things we must leave out of account the judgments
of God.
7 Personally, I think that what I have said is
the most usual thing. These souls know that nothing would induce them to commit a sin --
many of them would not intentionally commit even a venial sin -- and they make good use of
their lives and their possessions. So they cannot be patient when the door is closed to
them and they are unable to enter the presence of the King, Whose vassals they consider
themselves, and in fact are. Yet even on earth a king may have many vassals and they do
not all get so far as to enter his chamber. Enter, then, enter within yourselves, my
daughters; and get right away from your own trifling good works, for these you are bound,
as Christians, to perform, and, indeed, many more. It will be enough for you that you are
vassals of God; do not try to get so much that you achieve nothing. Look at the saints who
have entered the King's chamber and you will see the difference between them and
ourselves. Do not ask for what you have not deserved. For we have offended God, and,
however faithfully we serve Him, it should never enter our heads that we can deserve
anything.
8 Oh, humility, humility! I do not know why I
have this temptation, but whenever I hear people making so much of their times of aridity,
I cannot help thinking that they are somewhat lacking in it. I am not, of course,
referring to the great interior trials of which I have spoken, for they amount to much
more than a lack of devotion. Let us test ourselves, my sisters, or allow the Lord to test
us; for He knows well how to do it, although often we refuse to understand Him. And now
let us return to these carefully-ordered souls and consider what they do for God, and we
shall then see how wrong we are to complain of His Majesty. For, if, when He tells us what
we must do in order to be perfect, we turn our backs upon Him and go away sorrowfully,
like the young man in the Gospel,[67] what do you expect
His Majesty to do, for the reward which He is to give us must of necessity be
proportionate with the love which we bear Him? And this love, daughters, must not be
wrought in our imagination but must be proved by works. Yet do not suppose God has any
need of our works; what He needs is the resoluteness of our will.
9 It may seem to us that we have done
everything -- we who wear the religious habit, having taken it of our own will and left
all the things of the world and all that we had for His sake (for although, like Saint
Peter, we may have left only our nets, yet He esteems a person who gives all that he has
as one who gives in fullest measure).[68] This is a very
good beginning; and, if we persevere in it, instead of going back, even if only in desire,
to consort with the reptiles in the first rooms, there is no doubt that, by persevering in
this detachment and abandonment of everything, we shall attain our object. But it must be
on this condition -- and note that I am warning you of this -- that we consider ourselves
unprofitable servants, as we are told, either by Saint Paul or by Christ,[69] and realize that we have in no way obliged Our Lord to
grant us such favours; but rather that, the more we have received of Him, the more deeply
do we remain in His debt. What can we do for so generous a God, Who died for us and
created us and gives us being, without counting ourselves fortunate in being able to repay
Him something of what we owe Him for the way He has served us[70] (I write this word reluctantly, but it is the truth,[71] for all the time He lived in the world He did nothing but serve) without asking Him once
more for gifts and favours?
10 Consider carefully, daughters, these few
things which have been set down here, though they are in rather a jumbled state, for I
cannot explain them better; the Lord will make them clear to you, so that these periods of
aridity may teach you to be humble, and not make you restless, which is the aim of the
devil. Be sure that, where there is true humility, even if God never grants the soul
favours, He will give it peace and resignation to His will, with which it may be more
content than others are with favours. For often, as you have read, it is to the weakest
that His Divine Majesty gives favours, which I believe they would not exchange for all the
fortitude given to those who go forward in aridity. We are fonder of spiritual sweetness
than of crosses. Test us, O Lord, Thou Who knowest all truth, that we may know ourselves.
Continues the same subject and treats of
aridities in prayer and of what the author thinks may result from them; and of how we must
test ourselves; and of how the Lord proves those who are in these Mansions.
2 I HAVE known a few souls who have reached
this state -- I think I might even say a great many -- and who, as far as we can see, have
for many years lived an upright and carefully ordered life, both in soul and in body and
then, after all these years, when it has seemed as if they must have gained the mastery
over the world, or at least must be completely detached from it, His Majesty has sent them
tests which have been by no means exacting and they have become so restless and depressed
in spirit that they have exasperated me,[72] and have
even made me thoroughly afraid for them. It is of no use offering them advice, for they
have been practising virtue for so long that they think they are capable of teaching
others and have ample justification for feeling as they do.
3 Well, I cannot find, and have never found,
any way of comforting such people, except to express great sorrow at their trouble, which,
when I see them so miserable, I really do feel. It is useless to argue with them, for they
brood over their woes and make up their minds that they are suffering for God's sake, and
thus never really understand that it is all due to their own imperfection. And in persons
who have made so much progress this is a further mistake; one cannot be surprised if they
suffer, though I think this kind of suffering ought to pass quickly. For often it is God's
will that His elect should be conscious of their misery and so He withdraws His help from
them a little -- and no more than that is needed to make us recognize our limitations very
quickly. They then realize that this is a way of testing them, for they gain a clear
perception of their shortcomings, and sometimes they derive more pain from finding that,
in spite of themselves, they are still grieving about earthly things, and not very
important things either, than from the matter which is troubling them. This, I think, is a
great mercy on the part of God, and even though they are at fault they gain a great deal
in humility.
4 With those other persons of whom I am
speaking it is different: they consider they have acted in a highly virtuous way, as I
have said, and they wish others to think so too. I will tell you about some of them so
that we may learn to understand and test ourselves before we are tested by the Lord -- and
it would be a very great advantage if we were prepared and had learned to know ourselves
first.
5 A rich man, who is childless and has no one
to leave his money to, loses part of his wealth; but not so much that he has not enough
for himself and his household -- he still has enough and to spare. If he begins to get
restless and worried, as though he had not a crust of bread left to eat, how can Our Lord
ask him to leave all for His sake? It may be, of course, that he is suffering because he
wants to give the money to the poor. But I think God would rather I were resigned to what
His Majesty does, and kept my tranquillity of soul, than that I should do such acts of
charity as these. If this man cannot resign himself, because the Lord has not led him thus
far, well and good; but he ought to realize that he lacks this freedom of spirit and in
that case he will pray for it and prepare himself for the Lord to give it to him.
6 Another person, who has means enough to
support himself, and indeed an excess of means, sees an opportunity of acquiring more
property. Let him take such an opportunity, certainly, if it comes to him; but if he
strives after it, and, on obtaining it, strives after more and more, however good his
intention may be (and good it must be, because, as I have said, these are all virtuous
people and given to prayer), he need not be afraid that he will ever ascend[73] to the Mansions which are nearest the King.
7 It is much the same thing if such people are
despised in any way or lose some of their reputation. God often grants them grace to bear
this well, for He loves to help people to be virtuous in the presence of others, so that
the virtue itself which they possess may not be thought less of, or perhaps He will help
them because they have served Him, for this our God is good indeed. And yet they become
restless, for they cannot do as they would like to and control their feelings all at once.
Yet oh, dear me! Are not these the same persons who some time ago were meditating upon how
the Lord suffered, and upon what a good thing it is to suffer, and who were even desiring
to suffer? They would like every one else to live as well-ordered a life as they do
themselves; all we can hope is that they will not begin to imagine that the trouble they
have is somebody else's fault and represent it to themselves as meritorious.
8 You will think, sisters, that I am wandering
from the point, and am no longer addressing myself to you, and that these things have
nothing to do with us, as we own no property and neither desire it nor strive after it and
nobody ever slights us. It is true that these examples are not exactly applicable to us,
but many others which are can be deduced from them, though it is unnecessary, and would be
unseemly, for me to detail them. From these you will find out if you are really detached
from the things you have abandoned, for trifling incidents arise, though not precisely of
this kind, which give you the opportunity to test yourselves and discover if you have
obtained the mastery over your passions. And believe me, what matters is not whether or no
we wear a religious habit; it is whether we try to practise the virtues, and make a
complete surrender of our wills to God and order our lives as His Majesty ordains: let us
desire that not our wills, but His will, be done.[74] If
we have not progressed as far as this, then, as I have said, let us practise humility,
which is the ointment for our wounds; if we are truly humble, God, the Physician,[75] will come in due course, even though He tarry, to heal
us.
9 The penances done by these persons are as
carefully ordered as their lives. They have a great desire for penance, so that by means
of it they may serve Our Lord -- and there is nothing wrong in that -- and for this reason
they observe great discretion in their penances, lest they should injure their health. You
need never fear that they will kill themselves: they are eminently reasonable folk! Their
love is not yet ardent enough to overwhelm their reason. How I wish ours would make us
dissatisfied with this habit of always serving God at a snail's pace! As long as we do
that we shall never get to the end of the road. And as we seem to be walking along and
getting fatigued all the time -- for, believe me, it is an exhausting road -- we shall be
very lucky if we escape getting lost. Do you think, daughters, if we could get from one
country to another in a week, it would be advisable, with all the winds and snow and
floods and bad roads, to take a year over it? Would it not be better to get the journey
over and done with? For there are all these obstacles for us to meet and there is also the
danger of serpents. Oh, what a lot I could tell you about that! Please God I have got
farther than this myself -- though I often fear I have not!
10 When we proceed with all this caution, we
find stumbling-blocks everywhere; for we are afraid of everything, and so dare not go
farther, as if we could arrive at these Mansions by letting others make the journey for
us! That is not possible, my sisters; so, for the love of the Lord, let us make a real
effort: let us leave our reason and our fears in His hands and let us forget the weakness
of our nature which is apt to cause us so much worry. Let our superiors see to the care of
our bodies; that must be their concern: our own task is only to journey with good speed so
that we may see the Lord. Although we get few or no comforts here, we shall be making a
great mistake if we worry over our health, especially as it will not be improved by our
anxiety about it -- that I well know. I know, too, that our progress has nothing to do
with the body, which is the thing that matters least. What the journey which I am
referring to demands is great humility, and it is the lack of this, I think, if you see
what I mean, which prevents us from making progress. We may think we have advanced only a
few steps, and we should believe that this is so and that our sisters' progress is much
more rapid; and further we should not only want them to consider us worse than anyone
else, but we should contrive to make them do so.
11 If we act thus, this state is a most
excellent one, but otherwise we shall spend our whole lives in it and suffer a thousand
troubles and miseries. Without complete self-renunciation, the state is very arduous and
oppressive, because, as we go along, we are labouring under the burden of our miserable
nature, which is like a great load of earth and has not to be borne by those who reach the
later Mansions. In these present Mansions the Lord does not fail to recompense us with
just measure, and even generously, for He always gives us much more than we deserve by
granting us a spiritual sweetness much greater than we can obtain from the pleasures and
distractions of this life. But I do not think that He gives many consolations, except when
He occasionally invites us to see what is happening in the remaining Mansions, so that we
may prepare to enter them.
12 You will think that spiritual sweetness and
consolations are one and the same thing: why, then, this difference of name? To me it
seems that they differ a very great deal, though I may be wrong. I will tell you what I
think about this when I write about the fourth Mansions, which will follow these, because,
as I shall then have to say something about the consolations which the Lord gives in those
Mansions, it will come more appropriately. The subject will seem an unprofitable one, yet
none the less it may be of some use, for, once you understand the nature of each, you can
strive to pursue the one which is better. This latter is a great solace to souls whom God
has brought so far, while it will make those who think they have everything feel ashamed;
and if they are humble they will be moved to give thanks. Should they fail to experience
it, they will feel an inward discouragement -- quite unnecessarily, however, for
perfection consists not in consolations, but in the increase of love; on this, too, will
depend our reward, as well as on the righteousness and truth which are in our actions.
13 If this is true -- and it is -- you will
wonder what is the use of my discussing these interior favours, and explaining what they
are. I do not know: you must ask the person who commanded me to write, for I am under an
obligation not to dispute with my superiors, but to obey them, and it would not be right
for me to dispute with them. What I can tell you truly is that, when I had had none of
these favours, and knew nothing of them by experience, and indeed never expected to know
about them all my life long (and rightly so, though it would have been the greatest joy
for me to know, or even to conjecture, that I was in any way pleasing to God), none the
less, when I read in books of these favours and consolations which the Lord grants to
souls that serve Him, it would give me the greatest pleasure and lead my soul to offer
fervent praises to God. Now if I, who am so worthless a person, did that, surely those who
are good and humble will praise Him much more. If it only enables a single person to
praise Him once, I think it is a good thing that all this should be said, and that we
should realize what pleasure and what delights we lose through our own fault. All the more
so because, if they come from God, they come laden with love and fortitude, by the help of
which a soul can progress with less labour and grow continually in good works and virtues.
Do not suppose that it matters little whether or no we do what we can to obtain them. But
if the fault is not yours, the Lord is just, and what His Majesty denies you in this way
He will give you in other ways -- His Majesty knows how. His secrets are hidden deep; but
all that He does will be best for us, without the slightest doubt.
14 What I think would be of the greatest profit
to those of us who, by the goodness of the Lord, are in this state -- and, as I have said,
He shows them no little mercy in bringing them to it, for, when here, they are on the
point of rising still higher -- is that they should be most studious to render ready
obedience. Even though they be not in a religious Order, it would be a great thing for
them to have someone to whom they could go, as many people do, so that they might not be
following their own will in anything, for it is in this way that we usually do ourselves
harm. They should not look for anyone (as the saying has it) cast in the same mould as
themselves[76] who always proceeds with great
circumspection; they should select a man who is completely disillusioned with the things
of the world. It is a great advantage for us to be able to consult someone who knows us,
so that we may learn to know ourselves. And it is a great encouragement to see that things
which we thought impossible are possible to others, and how easily these others do them.
It makes us feel that we may emulate their flights and venture to fly ourselves, as the
young birds do when their parents teach them; they are not yet ready for great flights but
they gradually learn to imitate their parents. This is a great advantage, as I know.
However determined such persons may be not to offend the Lord, they will do well not to
run any risk of offending Him; for they are so near the first Mansions that they might
easily return to them, since their fortitude is not built upon solid ground like that of
souls who are already practised in suffering. These last are familiar with the storms of
the world, and realize how little need there is to fear them or to desire worldly
pleasures. If those of whom I am speaking, however, had to suffer great persecutions, they
might well return to such pleasures and the devil well knows how to contrive such
persecutions in order to do us harm; they might be pressing onward with great zeal, and
trying to preserve others from sin, and yet be unable to resist any temptations which came
to them.
15 Let us look at our own shortcomings and
leave other people's alone; for those who live carefully ordered lives are apt to be
shocked at everything and we might well learn very important lessons from the persons who
shock us. Our outward comportment and behaviour may be better than theirs, but this,
though good, is not the most important thing: there is no reason why we should expect
everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the
spiritual path when perhaps we do not know what it is. Even with these desires that God
gives us to help others, sisters, we may make many mistakes, and thus it is better to
attempt to do what our Rule tells us -- to try to live ever in silence and in hope, and
the Lord will take care of His own. If, when we beseech this of His Majesty, we do not
become negligent ourselves, we shall be able, with His help, to be of great profit to
them. May He be for ever blessed.
